Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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