ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
