she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
as a side note pls kill me
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
