Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
my liver is dry heaving
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
