This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This baby is an asshole
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
