I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
