Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Randomize
