Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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