I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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