Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
