im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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