if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
