I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
