It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
