Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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