Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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