i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
