Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do herpes really smell.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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