I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
