closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
