at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
