i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
