can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
