i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
