it hurts more in the daytime
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
