I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
