the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
