I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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