What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
