last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
