Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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