I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
