Ambien. No doubt about it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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