There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
