I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I want a musical about memes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
