I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
