he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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