just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We are two peas in an std pod
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
