For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
