i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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