I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
