Christians are straight up FREAKS
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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