Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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