Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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