Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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