This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
