Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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