Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
