So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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