i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
