I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
