Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
