Moan for me like Helen Keller
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize