Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Two words: nipple clamps
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