We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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