the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
