Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize