I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize