Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
