I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So. Much. Porn.
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