but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
