yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize