My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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