you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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