you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
