two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
