got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
