I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I stole a fireplace last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
