The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
