i wish my penis had a tongue
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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