why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize