Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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