Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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