She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
