Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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