we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
