I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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