Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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